1. INTRODUCTION 1-6
2. WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY 2-8
3. GET IT IN WRITING WHILE YOU ARE IN LOVE. 3-14
4. IF SOMEONE SAYS THERE IS NO TIME, STEAL SOME FOR YOURSELF. 4-22
5. NEVER DENY ANOTHER MAN OR WOMAN THEIR SCAM FOR THEY MAY DENY YOU YOURS 5-24
6. MY SIMPLE FLOW CHART FOR LEGAL ADVICE 6-25
7. FIND THE RULES AND READ THEM OR GET SOMEONE WHO CAN 7-25
8. DON’T BELIVE EVERY THING YOU THINK 8-27
9. THAT IS WHAT INSURANCE IS FOR DUMMY 9-28
10. ALWAYS CONSIDER THE SOURCE & CAREFULLY CONSIDER YOUR AUDIENCE 10-29
11. INSURANCE COMPANIES MAKE THEIR MONEY BY LOOKING YOU IN THE EYE AND TELLING YOU NOTHING BAD WILL HAPPEN, AND THEN PUTTING THE MONEY INTO A DRAWER AND KEEPING IT CLOSED. 11-29
12. NEVER KICK A PERSON IN A BLACK ROBE 12-30
13. IF YOU ARE NERVOUS IT WILL SHOW OR IN OTHER WORDS THE PENALTY FOR LYING IN COURT IS WORSE THAN ACIDENTALLY KILLING YOUR EX 13-31
14. DON’T BREAK THE RULES DUMMY 14-33
15. YOU CAN TALK YOUR WAY INTO TROUBLE, BUT YOU CAN’T TALK YOUR WAY OUT 15-34
16. ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS STUPID? 16-36
17. DON’T LEND MONEY UNLESS YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT IT. 17-36
18. YOU CAN FIGHT CITY HALL AND YOU CAN LOSE. 18-36
19. YOU HAVE TO PAY TO PLAY AND THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS, LOOK AROUND 19-39
20. CON ARTISTS CAN ONLY GET YOUR MONEY WHEN YOU GIVE IT TO THEM 20-40
21. NEVER BELIVE A PROMISE, VERIFY THEN TRUST 21-41
22. IT IS NOT ILLEAGAL TO LIE, USUALLY 22-43
23. NOTHING WILL WAKE YOU UP LIKE A BELIVABLE THREAT 23-44
24. AN IMAGINED RESULT IS ALWAYS MORE THREATING THAT AN OVERSTATED THREAT 24-44
25. DELIVERY IS HALF OF THE MESSAGE 25-44
26. WHEN IT SEEMS LIKE SHOOTING DUCKS IN BARREL LOOK OUT FOR BAZOOKAS, GERNADES, AND LAND MINES 26-45
27. TIME IS GOING BY ANYWAY SO GO FOR IT 27-45
28. GREEDY PEOPLE ARE EASY TO READ 28-46
29. BY DEFINITION A RATIONAL MIND CANNOT UNDERSTAND AN IRRATIONIOAL THOUGHT 29-46
30. A SURE BET IS, YOU WILL GET WET WHEN IT RAINS 30-50
31. REMEMBER UNLESS YOU SCREWED THEM ALL THEY REALLY WANT IS MONEY 31-51
32. WHEN SOMEONE SCREAMS IT TAKES YOUR ATTENTION AWAY 32-52
33. YOU WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE RESTURANT WHERE YOU GOT FOOD POISONING 33-53
34. NEVER CHEAT THE TAX MAN, BUT HEY, YOU CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT 34-56
35. LIFE IS TOUGH SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR LUMPS 35-59
36. TIMING IS EVERYTHING 36-59
37. YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW SOCIETIES’S RULES OR YOU WILL GET A TIME OUT 37-60
38. GRAVITY ALWAYS WINS OR DARWIN WAS RIGHT 38-61
39. IF YOU DO SOMETHING WRONG LONG ENOUGH IT BECOMES RIGHT 39-61
40. IT NEVER HURTS TO OFFER LESS 40-61
41. PUT THE BLINDERS ON THEM OR TAKE THEM OFF OF YOURSELF 41-61
42. DO GOOD FIRST, THEN DO WELL 42-62
43. CLEANING UP MAKES YOU HAPPY 43-62
44. IF IT FLYS, FORNICATES, OR FLOATS RENT IT 44-62
45. SOME PEOPLE SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE 45-62
46. WHAT WOULD YOUR DOG DO? 46-62
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